Changing Beliefs - Being Vulnerable

 We humans are so proud of our accomplishments, so quick to spout off about our conquests and perceived victories in life. Yet the one thing we must seek eludes us in endless ways, that of vulnerability. 

 

So often I encounter aspirants who come through the doors of the school full of faulty perceptions of themselves wanting change in their lives.  And I watch as they look at me with a look of incredulity when I tell them they must learn how to be vulnerable. They will say…."how could that possibly be a quality that could advance me in my growth?" And for some, no matter how much work they do, they block that road to freedom by resisting an open heart.

 

Yes, that is what opening the heart is, being okay with being vulnerable. We get there as a result of the many cycles of death, rebirth and sacrifice that our life is made from, and within those cycles, through relentless self-examination, it is only when we are in a place where we can place our weaknesses on the table without fear, that we break through the barrier that prevents our ultimate growth.

 

We have a practice here at HTS in our programs, a practice of sharing within group our most vulnerable parts of self. A practice that permits us to shatter the illusion of our protective barriers which only serve to entrap us in the patterns of the past and the belief systems we have been imprisoned by. I lead in with that practice, in an effort to shatter the illusion and to provide example ... and for my own growth. Those that have made the most growth in the work here at HTS are those that have not been afraid to do this. Those that are fearful and resistant end up halting their quest for Truth, and will be stuck in their half- truths. When this happens to the aspirant, and the aspirant has not achieved this, they react and resist. They cannot have face to face conversations to resolve the cycle they are in and hide behind their veil of truth by self-sabotaging through written words, not talking or sharing or simply by walking away from whoever is triggering the pattern that needs resolving.

 

Recently I had an aspirant who challenged me on her truth, she hid it behind the veil of a written email and despite years of work with me she could not bring her issues to the table in a face to face conversation. No matter how many ways I pushed and prodded, she remained stalwartly hidden behind her written words. Of course, email, a very two dimensional form of communication enables us to hide very well and be very brave, yet it is simply a place for the Guardian on the Threshold to push you back on your arse. Something we must be very weary of.

 

Every time this happens I watch as the aspirant forgets that they are supposed to self-examine and begin with themselves. Inevitably the person bobs and weaves their way around dealing with what is squarely on the table as a heart opening opportunity…being vulnerable! They go into their justifications and their litany of grievances…resist, resist, resist…blame, blame, blame and not willing to look at themselves. They then turn to those that will reinforce and support their negative perspective, friends and family who never push back and say…perhaps this is you?

 

Another aspirant recently had the reverse experience and made this breakthrough happen. A life time of fear of her dad and anger toward him for his abusive behaviors caused her to avoid confrontation at all costs or to be at the other end of the spectrum…behaving very similar to him. A long standing aspirants of many years. She had taken a break from the work and returned. In this most recent round of work upon the Tree she broke through to her heart. It came as a result of the counter measure that caused her to see clearly her trap. Her dad now aged and ailing required help, her fear was immense as she knew she had to help which meant she needed to face this man and see him as the human being he is…imperfect. She knew what we live by in the teachings must apply to him…that we must accept everyone where they are. What she experienced as a result was beautiful. By allowing herself to be vulnerable with him, he exposed his vulnerability to her, a very bittersweet moment unfolded. As she relayed the story to me, she could not believe that she actually enjoyed spending time with her dad and laughed with him. What she knows now is that this part of him was always there.

 

We must remember the personality is not who we really are!

 

Ahh…the breakthroughs we seek. We cannot fix a person’s personality, but we can appreciate exactly where they are and recognize our own process that has created what we have created in ourselves. We are all alike, all of us, we get built the same way. So we must have compassion for those we meet in life. But, we must also remain detached, for it is our attachments to how we expect people to behave that causes us trouble.

 

Compassionate detachment is a hard won quality that only comes through permitting ourselves to be vulnerable. In The Work it is telling when an aspirant leaves without a face to face conversation, their fear of being vulnerable creates it, and it keeps them hostage to the past and prevents their greatest break through. I feel for them, but must remember that it is their journey. Spirit is in charge of the situation, not I. So I must allow to happen what must unfold no matter what I desire the outcome to be.

 

I remind each aspirant that they must remember that this work is filled with tests and challenges, they are at its core. Aspirants must be vigilant, as soon as one feels that they have hit a comfort spot within the work or a high, the pendulum must swing in reverse. The aspirant can stand in its path and let it hit them and carry them to the other side, or they can use the Laws to rise above its swing and establish a new balance point in the work.

 

Aspirants must remember that the pathworking work we do here is powerful and cannot be underestimated, it will surface what needs to be addressed. When it happens, and to some degree it does for everyone at one time or another (no matter how advanced one might think they are), the aspirant must try to remember they are being challenged to open their heart and that it is a good thing. It means Spirit is working through you and it means you about to breakthrough to the other side and expand your capacity for the Light to fill you up.

 

Students are fortunate that do the work here, for they can make these difficult breakthroughs in a safe and comfortable environment. It is much easier to have a breakthrough of the heart here in program which then enables further breakthroughs with those in your life that are so important to you.

 

Remember to open your heart and speak to each other, don’t hide behind your patterns…free yourself.

With much lvoe,

Rose