Changing Beliefs - Controlling Anger

 I would like to share a story of inspiration that came from my interaction with a student recently….

A student came to me one day surprised that one of his old and readily identifiable patterns had resurfaced.  Frustrated because of all the work he had done, he threw his frustration at The Teachings and said “it just doesn’t work”, because he was unable to remove his block of being fixed in his position and opinions which often led to breaks in relationships with great wells of inner anger and a feeling that he owned no responsibility for the ending, because he could see the flaw in their thinking even though he knew he must have a role in the situation. He would rather allow the relationship to end than deal with his emotional block. He was very strong in his concrete mind and knew he was correct, his fear of being wrong would not permit him to emotionally connect enough with those he cared about to have a real meaningful relationship.  And it was happening again, this time a woman he thought was “the one” was walking away.  

As always occurs with Pathworking upon the Tree, the time had come when his block was being resurfaced to give him the opportunity to push through it.  This time however, the chances were high that he could fall away from The Work if he didn’t transmute this pattern, because of the huge well of anger that had been bottled up in him since childhood.  Knowing he was at this difficult precipice I used a counter measure. Those of you who have experienced work in class know exactly what I mean…I doped slapped him…affectionately speaking, and pushed hard at his weakness.  My force came off with guided focus as it always does when Spirit works through me.  He was taken back and said, “why are you so angry with me”. I said to him, “I am not angry with you”. He said, “yes you are.”  I said, “no I am not, I am using anger and directing it toward your block to wedge it free.”  He pushed back upon me, because he did not like the feeling that was coming up in him, his resistance was great.  He tried to make this about me. So, I pushed back again with angry force. He then said to me, “I don’t like what you are doing and told me, in no uncertain terms, to F’off.”  He said, “You are nuts, and you just forced me to lose my cool and you lost yours”   and he added, “You are no better than me.”  I sat back and laughed and then shared a wonderful story from The Teachings to help him understand what had happened and why…while my story was related from my memory this is the actual excerpt.  Initially he fumed while I began to relay the story…then the magic happened….

On the train to Brindavan a Swami sits beside a common man who asks him if indeed he has attained self-mastery, as the name “Swami” implies.

“I have,” says the Swami.

“And have you mastered anger?”

“I have.”

“You mean you can control your anger?”

“I can.”

“And you do not feel anger?”

“I do not.”

“Is this the truth, Swami?”

“It is.”

After a silence the man asks again, “Do you really feel that you have controlled your anger?”

“I have, as I told you,” the Swami answers.

“Then do you mean to say, you never feel anger, even–”

“You are going on and on–what do you want?” the Swami shouts. “Are you a fool? When I have told you–”

“O, Swami, this is anger. You have not mas–”

“Ah, but I have,” the Swami interrupts. “Have you not heard about the abused snake? Let me tell you the story.”

“On a path that went by a village in Bengal there lived a cobra who used to bite people on their way to worship at the temple there. As the incidents increased, everyone became fearful, and many refused to go to the temple. The Swami who was the master at the temple was aware of the problem and took it upon himself to put an end to it. Taking himself to where the snake dwelt, he used a mantra to call the snake to him and bring it into submission.”

“The Swami then said to the snake that it was wrong to bite the people who walked along the path to worship and made him promise sincerely that he would never do it again. Soon it happened that the snake was seen by a passer-by upon the path, and it made no move to bite. Then it became known that the snake had somehow been made passive, and people grew unafraid. It was not long before the village boys were dragging the poor snake along behind them as they ran laughing here and there. When the temple Swami passed that way again he called the snake to see if he had kept his promise–” “The snake humbly and miserably approached the Swami, who exclaimed, ‘You are bleeding! Tell me how this has come to be.’ The snake was near tears and blurted out that he had been abused ever since he made his promise to the Swami. ‘I told you not to bite,’ said the Swami, ‘but I did not tell you not to hiss!’

~ from Doug Boyd’s, Rolling Thunder

I told the man that we must remember that everything is layers deeper than what they appear.  That what you hear with your ears is never really what you hear. It takes observation and concentration to truly get underneath an issue and self-reflection to understand it, and even then you will still be listening through the lens of your own biased perspective.

We must step into our fear, not blindly, but with awareness of who we are and what we have created, and then anticipate a different outcome.  We must remember that our emotions are not to be eliminated, but sublimated.  This means we must know how to use the range of our emotions as tools in our life.  They are part of lower consciousness and that does not make them unhealthy, lower consciousness is part of your soul, it contains the tools that permit us to survive in this physical world we live.  But, like everything else, we must learn through trial and error. 

I helped him see how his suppressed anger was not really a good thing.  Denying it caused all manner of dis-ease in his life and body.  He was so afraid  to speak up because his belief system was so strong that confronting the situation would lead to an admission of weakness and he would appear vulnerable, so he suppressed his anger and allowed relationships to fall away, rather than deal with perceived consequences.  His belief was that the anger suppressed and the unexpressed emotion attached to it was a strength, it meant he was strong. 

As I pointed this out I said to the man, “so why would you want to let go of this belief if it holds such a power in your mind?  At this point the man was able to open up and see his block, tears flowed as he realized that at the core of his pattern was a positive belief that was impossible to let go of because it would make him “be” weak.  This shift moved him powerfully.  He was able to go home and sit down with this woman who meant so much to him and salvage the relationship and take it to another level over time.  It was hard work, but all the work he had done previously positioned him for this huge growth.

We must examine our beliefs and get honest about them. Understand their limitations. They may have served us at one time, but are they continuing to serve us now? That is the question. And if they are not, we must change them.